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Funny Poems
Tuesday, 01 April 2014

I'm a brave little monster
But one thing I dread—
At night, there's a kid
Up on top of my bed.

Mom says kids aren't real,
That it's all in my head.
Perhaps she should try
Sleeping in here instead.

I can hear that kid breathing

All during the night.
Sometimes I hear growling
That fills me with fright.

I've heard kids are hornless,
And not very hairy,
With only two eyeballs—
Now that's pretty scary!

Some have metal teeth
That they grind with their jaws,
While others have glitter
And paint on their claws!

Dad says I'm a wimp,
And it's all in my head.
Perhaps he should come
And get eaten instead.

I'm a brave little monster,
But one thing I dread
Is that darn creepy kid
That's on top of my bed.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 10:00 am   |  Permalink   |  5 Comments  |  Email
Tuesday, 25 March 2014

I cannot write a poem.
Is that really such a crime?
I don't have any rhythm,
And I don't know how to rhyme!

I cannot write a poem.
It’s just something I can’t do!
I don’t know how to write one,
I just haven’t got a clue!

I cannot write a poem.
So stop telling me I should!
If I could write a poem, well
Believe me folks, I would!

© Shane D Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 10:04 am   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Tuesday, 04 March 2014

A dog and a watermelon fell in love.
Romance was in the air.
Everybody thought it strange
But the couple didn’t care.

So in the spring they married,
And it filled their lives with joy.
And before too long,  yep sure enough
They had a baby boy.

But this poor little fellow, well
He’s always sad, by golly…
But what do you expect, my friends?
He is a Melon Collie.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 07:22 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Thursday, 20 February 2014

The Gorillagator is strange as can be.
He can swim in a swamp, or climb up a tree.

He may eat an antelope – perhaps a banana.
He can live in the Congo or Louisiana.

He might pound his chest. He might swish his tail.
Will he need to adapt?  Will this creature prevail?

He weighs half a ton; count his teeth - 89.
He’s strong, mean and fast – yeah, I think he’ll be fine.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 02:40 am   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, 14 February 2014

I am a manly specimen.
I am a macho man.
But today I wrote a lovey poem,
To prove to you I can.

Ok, here goes – “let’s smoochy smooch
As angels up above
Sprinkle lovey dovey drops
Of ooey gooey love!

All around! Look what I found!
A dreamy pool of gooshy gush,
That we can swim through as we kiss
And turn our hearts to mooshy mush.

Oh, Honey Bunny, hold my hand.
Yes, let’s be feely touchy.
Please snuggle buggle huggle me!
I love you oh so muchy!

You give me warm and fuzzy feelings
When you hold me near.
Let me whisper sweety sweetness
Sweetly in your ear.

You are my oogle boogle bear,
My sweetheart, dreamtart girl”…
See I told you I could do it…
Please excuse me while I hurl!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 09:25 am   |  Permalink   |  1 Comment  |  Email
Wednesday, 05 February 2014

You be me, and I'll be you.
That would be so cool to do…
Actually, on second thought,
I don't think things would change a lot
The minute you turned into me,
Would parts of you be there to see?
Would you be you...just in my shoes?
Would you do things I wouldn't choose?
If so, then you would not be me;
What would the point of switching be?
If I were truly to be you,
Then your life would be all I knew,
And being me would not exist,
(It would for you—now that's a twist).
Perhaps we switched a while ago
And you've been me—you never know.
Maybe I've been you for years;
I've chewed your food and cried your tears,
Not knowing that I once was me,
Because you seem like me to me.
If this whole switching thing is true,
Then which one wrote this? Me or you?
If it was you, then—could it be?—
The one who's reading must be me!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 10:58 am   |  Permalink   |  1 Comment  |  Email
Wednesday, 11 December 2013

If I sit down and pen this verse,

Then will you pledge to view it?

If you decline to do your part,

Then why should I stick to it?

If I put forth the effort now

To make this next line dance,

Then will you set aside some time

To give this poem a glance?

'Cause if you have no interest,

Then i see no need to fight it…

If you don't want to read it, well,

Then I'm not gonna write it.

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 04:05 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Tuesday, 03 December 2013

 

My brother, Cole, told Santa Clause
That I was being bad.
He also told my mother and
He also told my dad.

I knew I was in trouble - 
All his blabbing. All his talking.
And sure enough, Christmas morning -
Cole was in my stocking!


© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 10:10 am   |  Permalink   |  1 Comment  |  Email
Tuesday, 22 October 2013

I was walking down the street
When trouble started forming.
It frankly caught me off my guard;
It happened without warning.

Somebody’s dog came up to me,
He didn’t sit or beg,
Just sniffed at me a little bit
Then lifted up his leg.

I guess it was a bad idea
(If you know what I mean)
To be a fire hydrant
This year for Halloween.

© Shane D Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 08:38 am   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Monday, 30 September 2013

I am the spider
That “sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away”
That tale isn’t true

So now I’ll tell you
What really transpired that day…


It’s true I was there
But I sure didn’t scare
Miss Muffet, though that’s what she said.
I have been framed
Untruthfully blamed
I witnessed what happened instead:


Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
And stared at her curds and her whey…
And then with a dash
Threw it all in the trash
And ran to the nearest buffet!

© Shane D. Williams

Posted by: Shane D. Williams AT 09:02 am   |  Permalink   |  4 Comments  |  Email
 

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